Two weeks ago, January 19th I decided to embark on a lifestyle change. I and my best friend listened to a message by Pastor Mike Hayes, Daniel's Fast for the Future. My walk with the Lord had become sloppy, my health was at it's worst. I felt lethargic physically and spiritually. I was in a downward spiral, I didn't really know it, until now. I felt that if things didn't begin to change I would end up dead inside. Jasmine as you knew her would be dead. I've been complimented for my smile, and for my ability to bring peace and wisdom to situations. These days however I felt tired and dry. This was due to a lot of things, some of this was doubt, fear, and the fact that I was in a new country whose spiritual climate is one of helplessness, despair, and compromise. The verse that became very clear to me here was that the Kingdom of God suffers violence, but the violent take it by force. (Mt. 11:12) This place was not a sit back and see what happens kind of place or a go with the flow type of environment. Haiti is a place where you have to PUSH, you have to inquire of the Lord, you have to call for Heaven's will to be done here. Well, you can't do this, you can't fight the good fight if you are feeling faint. So it became clear to me that it was time to make a change and this would have to be intentional. After listening to the message by Pastor Mike Hayes I realized that this was a life or death type of change that was needed. You see if Daniel would have gone with the flow of the environment he was in, he would have perished. His calling would have never been fulfilled. He would have assimilated to the Babylonian culture and he would have never heard from God on the interpretation of the King's dream and he would have never had favor to raise up King Cyrus––the one that would release Daniel's people back to their land from exile. Daniel would've missed it, all because he didn't resist, because he didn't resolve not to eat from the King's food.
When I was 17, ten years ago, the Lord gave me a vision and he called me to serve Him. There was a passion in my heart to complete this mission that was now implanted on my heart, my mind, and my desire. I've worked towards it, everyplace I go to I discover more and more about how to fulfill this mission, but I was beginning to grow weary. I'm now working on my masters––a prerequisite to fulfilling this promise, and I've had a struggle. There are questions that I have to think about, of which I do not have an answer for. Fear creeps in sometimes, I wonder How? Why? Me? Why can't I just have a normal life... so much dreaming, so much sacrifice, for what? I don't have anything to show for it now. My life doesn't make sense to many around me. She wanders is what I hear people say. She's not grounded. Yet in the deepest parts of me there is a knowing that God will not lead me into despair, He will not cause my feet to stumble. He will not punish me for going or doing what I hear Him say to me. No matter how foolish, no matter how different it is from what everyone else is doing. My deepest place says I trust God. But this voice was becoming faint, it was drowning with the thoughts of my mind. I needed to hear from God again.
I began this food and veggie diet for ten days, just as Daniel did. Mostly because of one statement: When you are not eating right, there is a haze that can fog your vision. At that moment I knew exactly what Pastor Mike Hayes was saying. I felt this way. I needed to defrost the windshield of my eyes. After 6 days I began to see the change in my body. I was able to fit into a dress that fit me like a shirt only a week ago. I was no longer having headaches or chest pain. I got on a regular sleeping and waking up schedule. My days were more productive, and my time with the Lord was more fruitful. I learned about Water and how it has memory, the power of our words. I learned that what I speak and think actually does affect what happens. The link I just provided proves how this is even evident through nature. It's deep! Truth is that I had been speaking doubt and negative things about myself, my future, and it was time to stop.
It is now the 15th day, and I got news today that my security clearance which I have been waiting for since I arrived to this country (and before) was finally cleared. :) I also met with someone yesterday who asked for me to send him my resume because there are possible employment opportunities in the area that I actually want and need to be prepared in. I don't know if I'll actually get that job, but I don't care! There's movement..finally.... I feel confident that God honored my 14 day commitment to restore order in my life through my eating habits, and so He is moving things that have been on hold. I trust his timing is perfect. I don't disdain the time I've waited, I am just thankful for what he did today. I'm thankful for how I'm feeling now. The fact that I'm writing says a lot. (I had been having a real hard time with writing it was like brain freeze). I'm thankful for this lesson.
I also heard a message tonight, which is the reason I titled this post the way I did. Heidi Baker (forward to about 2:00:00 in the video) spoke of Mary and the promise that God gave her––she was to carry His son for 9 months, and she would give birth to the Savior of the world: Jesus. This "favor" was costly. Her parents would surely look at her as a liar and as crazy; her husband wanted to divorce her; people all around her would fail to understand. They would accuse her of fornication and many other things. Heidi asked, who will hold onto God's promise in their life full-term? Just last week I was sharing with a friend that I felt that maybe I was burnt out, and Heidi talked about this in her message. She said we are to be burning and never burnt out. God is looking for sustainability. Even as the development world is coming up with ways for sustainable development, God calls us into sustainability. He asks, will you carry the promise I gave you until it's time to give birth to it? Will you take care of it, will you eat the proper foods, will you prepare in the proper way in order to have a healthy delivery? Mary asked, How will this be Lord? I too have asked HOW God, how can I? how will I? How..... but she couldn't do anything to get pregnant could she? She couldn't make it happen, she had no clue when it would happen, there was no way to make it happen earlier or later. She just had to say YES and allow God to do what He said He would do. I was growing weary, but tonight I was reminded that I don't have to know How I just have to say Yes. Everyday Yes. Every night, Yes. Every trimester, every contraction, every pain, YES. I must keep going, I must never burn out. Our passion, our fire, burns out without intimacy. Unless we sit before the Lord and receive of his word over our lives, we will die. Our computers lose charge after some time away from their power source. We too die, our battery dies, if we don't plug in daily.
This mission that has been implanted into my heart, mind, and soul is the Lord's. There is no one else who is capable of fulfilling the unique and special calling that is on my life. Just as no one can do what God has called YOU to do. He creates us each different, with a special skill set to do what only we can do. This brings me peace, it brings me joy, and it brings me responsibility. Let me be all that I was created to be, let me not strive to be something that I'm not. May God be my center, be my guide.
Today I lay down my heart, just as it is, I ask of the Lord to renew within me this passion that I once had to believe and move towards fulfilling the work set before me. I lay down my will, that His will be done. I give it all to him, along with my failures, that He would save me, that He would direct me, that He would look upon me and call me blessed.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
If I removed myself from social media would you still know me?
Sometimes I wonder how "in-touch" I'd be with friends/family if I removed myself from facebook.
Would they email me, call, or wonder how I'm doing? Would I do the same for them?
Facebook makes it really easy to check up on people, and in your mind you know you are checking up on them and you feel connected with them, except they don't even know it and so don't even know you care.
Instead of actually speaking to each other, now a "like" is a way to show that I'm being listened to.
Comments... comments now those are special. Messages.. these are the people I think you are actually in friendship with.
Hmmm.. this social media thing is dangerous. Dangerous for communication, relationships, and self-esteem. Lol. I guess I'm just a bit far away from everyone I have on facebook.... being in a different nation... my facebook friends end up being just that... facebook friends.
It would be nice for them to cross over from just liking... to commenting.. to asking how are you.. to messaging... and hey maybe even facetiming? or how about imessaging or skyping. I have them all....
Sometimes I just feel like I'm a victim of the out of sight out of mind rule.
wholeheartedly,
Jaz
Would they email me, call, or wonder how I'm doing? Would I do the same for them?
Facebook makes it really easy to check up on people, and in your mind you know you are checking up on them and you feel connected with them, except they don't even know it and so don't even know you care.
Instead of actually speaking to each other, now a "like" is a way to show that I'm being listened to.
Comments... comments now those are special. Messages.. these are the people I think you are actually in friendship with.
Hmmm.. this social media thing is dangerous. Dangerous for communication, relationships, and self-esteem. Lol. I guess I'm just a bit far away from everyone I have on facebook.... being in a different nation... my facebook friends end up being just that... facebook friends.
It would be nice for them to cross over from just liking... to commenting.. to asking how are you.. to messaging... and hey maybe even facetiming? or how about imessaging or skyping. I have them all....
Sometimes I just feel like I'm a victim of the out of sight out of mind rule.
wholeheartedly,
Jaz
Friday, November 8, 2013
From Haiti, with Love.
In a couple of days I'll be heading out from Haiti and into Latin America...
So before I leave for a long break, I want to write my initial thoughts after about 3 months living in Haiti. Some of these thoughts you may not agree with, but I am really trying to be honest and I'm mostly journaling so I can follow my progression of thoughts and ideas on Haiti and development. I realize we often say things that we see as matter of fact, when we are really just speaking out of ignorance or frustration. So, if you find yourself disagreeing with my thoughts, feel free to post your reply or just take them as my venting.
What do I know about Haiti now:
I know that it was hit by a large earthquake and from the looks of it now, it very well could deserve to be named the worst earthquake in the history of the Americas. It's a small country, with lots of mountains, lots of people.... at least in Port-au-Prince, they swarm the streets. The roads are aching with pits and potholes everywhere. Huge pieces of rocks and stones are all over the place... where did these come from? There is no such thing as a smooth, nice, relaxing drive in Haiti. My stomach sinks-in every time I drive and the huge speed bumps hit the bottom of my SUV so hard that I can literally feel them under my feet. Every time I drive I think about how awful these roads are, and how I should've not listened to my dad about the no need for new tires, and then I fight with the thought that these roads really should've been fixed by now. Then I wish I had the freedom to just walk in the streets, and not have to sit in the snail-like traffic. I get upset with the government... what are they doing with the billions that is given to this country? This is basic... fundamental to the infrastructure of a country.... Fix the roads and maybe commerce would be less costly, transportation would be easier.... I don't know.. it just makes sense to me. Fix the roads! If anything, people would be in a much nicer mood throughout the day.... Fix the ROAD...business will run smoother, your economy will get better. If a businessman comes and visits the nations capital... I'm sorry but he WILL judge a book by its cover... and your cover Port-au-Prince is decaying and not solid at all..... streets with huge I'm talking about 3 feet deep, 4 feet wide potholes on a major road!
Unacceptable. Forget about business at night... You can count the number of light posts on your way home from the city- center! What about power? Why is there not a reliable power source? Our home has a generator, which has to run the entire day pretty much because there is no power!
Haiti govt. owes the electric company money, it never pays its bills, so the company cuts the power daily!... Really?? Come on... and then you go to these restaurants and see the uppity people, a lot of them Haitian with their new cars, gucci, versace, and whatever other brand name accessories and clothes they wear. There is a large enough elite to at least provide some money to fix the countries roads....or pay the electric bill. But you know what they decide to do instead? Mess up the roads leading to their Miami Vice houses so that there is less traffic going by their houses and their neighborhoods.... Pay a police man instead why don't you!
A lot has been rebuilt since the earthquake but I still pass by about two "tent-cities" daily to go to work. People are still living in tents and I'm coaching/equipping two women who do not have jobs. One of them has never worked and the other only worked in a factory. Unemployment is at a 80% high. People are just trying to make it by selling what they can afford... there are tons of roadside merchants.... bread is a hot item (young Haitian boys will buy bread from the bakery and sell it to get 10G in profit... which is pretty much like a quarter..and no you can't buy food with 10G.)
Oh, most people don't have running water. There are these water pipes where I see people go and bathe themselves (their faces, arms, and legs) You always see girls carrying buckets of water to their homes and these guys selling little plastic bags of water. I think they sell 2 for 10G. It's like a quarter of a bottled water.... but its filtered so thats good. On major roads... tons of boys are wiping the dust off your car for work. I found out most people give them about 5G per car..... again.. not enough to buy a meal. They work until they can get enough to buy food that day. Yea this is true in other countries also, but I'm sure it's not at the magnitude that it is here....
Education in Haiti is a privilege. Most people will only obtain 4 years of primary education. Most teachers barely finished 9 years of education.... The government promises free universal primary education, but that hasn't happened and people are beginning to show their anger. Yesterday there were manifestations and protests in the city against the government. I don't blame them... I don't know what I would do if I lived in a country like this with no out, little opportunity, little access. I guess these places really test your endurance and your faith.
Haiti's shops are colorful, their public transportation called Tap Taps and motorcycle taxis are colorful and always jammed pack. They drive so slow... you don't want to get stuck behind one of these.. they stop like every 5 minutes. They should have their own lane. On their shops and transportation, there is always some type of statement about Bondye... God, or Jezi... Jesus. The blood of Jesus, Patience, glory to God... always something religious... Which leads me to wonder what made them write these? How do they continue to have faith regardless of their circumstance? Is it fear, is it like a talisman to ward off evil or a lucky charm to bring in good?
I taught about 25 boys, off the streets, from ages 8-19 (maybe 22.. they don't really know their age), they all come from broken homes. From the ones I have heard from, not one has a solid relationship with his father. Most of them only know him as their father and they see him around in the city from time to time. They have been abandoned, kicked-out, treated unfairly, and pretty much forgotten. But they come to this make-shift school each day really early knowing this as their one opportunity.... free education, we give them food each day, breakfast and lunch... this is probably the first time they've had two meals in a day for a very long time....
The boys demand to be given things... clothes, shoes, candy, water. When they ask me, they demand it from me. Not one of these boys has asked "Could you... or would you..." it's always been "give me" or simply ... "water" "shoes" "shirt" "dollar" Could it be the language barrier... could it be what they are used to. Why me? Are they asking the other Haitian teachers, or Korean staff? I haven't heard them ask them... What makes them think I can provide for them? What do they see in me that I don't yet see... Does the fact that I am a different color, from a different place, make me suitable for providing their requests. If they only knew I really don't have a lot. Or do I? I have clothes, in comparison to them its lots of clothes, in comparison to people in the states, I really don't have a lot. I do drive a car, and have money to put gas in it. I also know people who have money..... I guess they are right... I should have enough to give to them. But why demand... is it a language barrier? I honestly don't think so... even in your eyes you can see when the tone is one of demand or request. Is this entitlement? What is it that makes us embarrassed to ask for help. Why aren't they?
Religion.... It's a mixture of things here.... They are trying to figure it out themselves. I heard being a Pastor was a good job... because you get money from the foreigners. A Haitian boy told me Pastors have their church "zombifiye"..... get it? How sad. Voudoo.... I see people wearing their white clothes and I think voudou.... and on Fet Gede we saw a man without a shirt who had white mud on his body. Later I saw pictures of the same thing as part of a voudou ceremony. Sundays you see people in their best clothes... kids with suits, little girls in pink little dresses and heels, with bibles in hand to go to church. I wonder what they teach them, I wonder what they are learning. If the gospel is transformation... what is going on here....?
The water here is from a cistern beneath our house... it is not filtered... who knows what kind of sanitation it goes through or where it comes from. Thank the Lord I'm not sick or anything. We have to brush our teeth with filtered water because the water will make our breath stink really badly if we use it to brush our teeth. Every time I take showers my skin itches afterwards.. and my hands feel very dry now.. I am always tempted not to wash my hands and not to take showers. I end up feeling more dirty after I take showers.. :-( I regret the day I heard that antibacterial is not good for you because you decrease your immunity or whatever. Every time I wear antibacterial I wonder if this will make me more susceptible to bacteria and getting sick.....
I asked a lady if she had submitted her life to God and answered to his calling and she said... 50/50.... this is what I think the state of the church is here.... 50/50... .
too bad there is no such thing...
Bye ugly roads, Bye nasty water, Bye heat, bye potholes, bye mosquitoes, bye Salamanca's in our house and random bugs everywhere.... I won't miss you.
Can you tell I need a break.... I also have a lot to learn I'm sure.
Tired and on sensory overload.
So before I leave for a long break, I want to write my initial thoughts after about 3 months living in Haiti. Some of these thoughts you may not agree with, but I am really trying to be honest and I'm mostly journaling so I can follow my progression of thoughts and ideas on Haiti and development. I realize we often say things that we see as matter of fact, when we are really just speaking out of ignorance or frustration. So, if you find yourself disagreeing with my thoughts, feel free to post your reply or just take them as my venting.
What do I know about Haiti now:
I know that it was hit by a large earthquake and from the looks of it now, it very well could deserve to be named the worst earthquake in the history of the Americas. It's a small country, with lots of mountains, lots of people.... at least in Port-au-Prince, they swarm the streets. The roads are aching with pits and potholes everywhere. Huge pieces of rocks and stones are all over the place... where did these come from? There is no such thing as a smooth, nice, relaxing drive in Haiti. My stomach sinks-in every time I drive and the huge speed bumps hit the bottom of my SUV so hard that I can literally feel them under my feet. Every time I drive I think about how awful these roads are, and how I should've not listened to my dad about the no need for new tires, and then I fight with the thought that these roads really should've been fixed by now. Then I wish I had the freedom to just walk in the streets, and not have to sit in the snail-like traffic. I get upset with the government... what are they doing with the billions that is given to this country? This is basic... fundamental to the infrastructure of a country.... Fix the roads and maybe commerce would be less costly, transportation would be easier.... I don't know.. it just makes sense to me. Fix the roads! If anything, people would be in a much nicer mood throughout the day.... Fix the ROAD...business will run smoother, your economy will get better. If a businessman comes and visits the nations capital... I'm sorry but he WILL judge a book by its cover... and your cover Port-au-Prince is decaying and not solid at all..... streets with huge I'm talking about 3 feet deep, 4 feet wide potholes on a major road!
Unacceptable. Forget about business at night... You can count the number of light posts on your way home from the city- center! What about power? Why is there not a reliable power source? Our home has a generator, which has to run the entire day pretty much because there is no power!
Haiti govt. owes the electric company money, it never pays its bills, so the company cuts the power daily!... Really?? Come on... and then you go to these restaurants and see the uppity people, a lot of them Haitian with their new cars, gucci, versace, and whatever other brand name accessories and clothes they wear. There is a large enough elite to at least provide some money to fix the countries roads....or pay the electric bill. But you know what they decide to do instead? Mess up the roads leading to their Miami Vice houses so that there is less traffic going by their houses and their neighborhoods.... Pay a police man instead why don't you!
A lot has been rebuilt since the earthquake but I still pass by about two "tent-cities" daily to go to work. People are still living in tents and I'm coaching/equipping two women who do not have jobs. One of them has never worked and the other only worked in a factory. Unemployment is at a 80% high. People are just trying to make it by selling what they can afford... there are tons of roadside merchants.... bread is a hot item (young Haitian boys will buy bread from the bakery and sell it to get 10G in profit... which is pretty much like a quarter..and no you can't buy food with 10G.)
Oh, most people don't have running water. There are these water pipes where I see people go and bathe themselves (their faces, arms, and legs) You always see girls carrying buckets of water to their homes and these guys selling little plastic bags of water. I think they sell 2 for 10G. It's like a quarter of a bottled water.... but its filtered so thats good. On major roads... tons of boys are wiping the dust off your car for work. I found out most people give them about 5G per car..... again.. not enough to buy a meal. They work until they can get enough to buy food that day. Yea this is true in other countries also, but I'm sure it's not at the magnitude that it is here....
Education in Haiti is a privilege. Most people will only obtain 4 years of primary education. Most teachers barely finished 9 years of education.... The government promises free universal primary education, but that hasn't happened and people are beginning to show their anger. Yesterday there were manifestations and protests in the city against the government. I don't blame them... I don't know what I would do if I lived in a country like this with no out, little opportunity, little access. I guess these places really test your endurance and your faith.
Haiti's shops are colorful, their public transportation called Tap Taps and motorcycle taxis are colorful and always jammed pack. They drive so slow... you don't want to get stuck behind one of these.. they stop like every 5 minutes. They should have their own lane. On their shops and transportation, there is always some type of statement about Bondye... God, or Jezi... Jesus. The blood of Jesus, Patience, glory to God... always something religious... Which leads me to wonder what made them write these? How do they continue to have faith regardless of their circumstance? Is it fear, is it like a talisman to ward off evil or a lucky charm to bring in good?
I taught about 25 boys, off the streets, from ages 8-19 (maybe 22.. they don't really know their age), they all come from broken homes. From the ones I have heard from, not one has a solid relationship with his father. Most of them only know him as their father and they see him around in the city from time to time. They have been abandoned, kicked-out, treated unfairly, and pretty much forgotten. But they come to this make-shift school each day really early knowing this as their one opportunity.... free education, we give them food each day, breakfast and lunch... this is probably the first time they've had two meals in a day for a very long time....
The boys demand to be given things... clothes, shoes, candy, water. When they ask me, they demand it from me. Not one of these boys has asked "Could you... or would you..." it's always been "give me" or simply ... "water" "shoes" "shirt" "dollar" Could it be the language barrier... could it be what they are used to. Why me? Are they asking the other Haitian teachers, or Korean staff? I haven't heard them ask them... What makes them think I can provide for them? What do they see in me that I don't yet see... Does the fact that I am a different color, from a different place, make me suitable for providing their requests. If they only knew I really don't have a lot. Or do I? I have clothes, in comparison to them its lots of clothes, in comparison to people in the states, I really don't have a lot. I do drive a car, and have money to put gas in it. I also know people who have money..... I guess they are right... I should have enough to give to them. But why demand... is it a language barrier? I honestly don't think so... even in your eyes you can see when the tone is one of demand or request. Is this entitlement? What is it that makes us embarrassed to ask for help. Why aren't they?
Religion.... It's a mixture of things here.... They are trying to figure it out themselves. I heard being a Pastor was a good job... because you get money from the foreigners. A Haitian boy told me Pastors have their church "zombifiye"..... get it? How sad. Voudoo.... I see people wearing their white clothes and I think voudou.... and on Fet Gede we saw a man without a shirt who had white mud on his body. Later I saw pictures of the same thing as part of a voudou ceremony. Sundays you see people in their best clothes... kids with suits, little girls in pink little dresses and heels, with bibles in hand to go to church. I wonder what they teach them, I wonder what they are learning. If the gospel is transformation... what is going on here....?
The water here is from a cistern beneath our house... it is not filtered... who knows what kind of sanitation it goes through or where it comes from. Thank the Lord I'm not sick or anything. We have to brush our teeth with filtered water because the water will make our breath stink really badly if we use it to brush our teeth. Every time I take showers my skin itches afterwards.. and my hands feel very dry now.. I am always tempted not to wash my hands and not to take showers. I end up feeling more dirty after I take showers.. :-( I regret the day I heard that antibacterial is not good for you because you decrease your immunity or whatever. Every time I wear antibacterial I wonder if this will make me more susceptible to bacteria and getting sick.....
I asked a lady if she had submitted her life to God and answered to his calling and she said... 50/50.... this is what I think the state of the church is here.... 50/50... .
too bad there is no such thing...
Bye ugly roads, Bye nasty water, Bye heat, bye potholes, bye mosquitoes, bye Salamanca's in our house and random bugs everywhere.... I won't miss you.
Can you tell I need a break.... I also have a lot to learn I'm sure.
Tired and on sensory overload.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Blurb on Love. Unrequited love. Perfect love.
To what extent have I loved? I guess you don't know how much really you love a person until you realize how much your willing to let go of or accept in order to fight for him or her. The test of love is in the measure of sacrifice. I always go back to God's love to understand love because it is the purest definition of love, the most genuine, and everlasting.
God has loved us so much, and to many his love is unfathomable because we have never seen anything like it. He gives his son , his friend, his partner, for you whom has little to no regard for the things on his heart.
In relationships I guess you know you love someone when you are willing to fight for them. Even when they may be lost and they have nothing to offer you in return, but you love them because you see them. Not because you want something in return or because you have something to gain apart from the joy of loving them; you just love them. We can probably understand this love more as we become fathers and mothers.
Unrequited love is one of the worst feelings ever. Having feelings for someone who is seemingly oblivious to you... Or who sees you but chooses not to acknowledge your feelings towards him/her. But I wonder if this is pure love? If love expects no return then do you really love that person when you are devastated that your affections are not reciprocated in the way you desire? Why can't you just enjoy loving him/her? I guess it's because you feel there is no receptor of your love. Anyone who has ever felt this understands very well the importance of being open to being loved. Love may be served out on a platter but it takes another to receive it for it to be enjoyed.
God's love was put on display through Jesus and every day in various ways, but its unrequited for him if we are not receptive and responding to it. And this hurts! When you long for this person to truly understand your affections for them and you've displayed your love to him/her; you're there, available, willing, desiring for relationship, but he/she is non responsive or sometimes is and sometimes isn't. You feel like there is a block to the degree you're able to lavish your love on them. Because they don't want your love or they don't understand how much you care about them. Everyday I draw closer to God and I acknowledge his presence and his love towards me I find I am more able to see and receive his love. His love was always there; I'm just more aware of it. I'm more thankful, and it's ever increasing to me. Allowing him to love me was difficult at first because I was just ignorant of his love as my eyes sought for other lovers. But He has been patient with me and it feels like he loves me more now than then, when all along he has loved me this much! I was just unresponsive and unaware.
So, back to this notion of unrequited love in relationships. What if your silent about your love? Is this not love because your afraid to speak up? Doesnt there have to be a point when you are more afraid to have never said nothing at all? Perfect love casts out all fear... Is what the bible says. And if you love me then you will obey my commandments.
Love has a face, it looks like something. Jesus taught this. If you love, your actions will prove it. He of course was the best example of this.
He lavished his love on us by giving his entire self, he loved us to death! And he loved Father God by being obedient as well... By doing and saying what he saw and heard the father do. He didn't force us to follow him, he compelled us to come to him by his love. He compels us to come.
Back to this relationship stuff then, loving someone compels them to receive your love. The bible is very clear on the role of man and women in relationships. He is to love her as Christ loves us. He compels us to come to him with his love. And she is to respond to him with respect and submission to him. She is to accept his love, his leadership, his guidance. Vulnerable... Trusting. Loving by responding to his love. She is able to do this because he has displayed and confessed his love for her, not just for His own pleasure but for her thriving, for he longs to present her beautiful unto the Lord. Amazing!
Pursuer and receptor. So what happens when these roles aren't assumed properly? Confusion, disagreement, and chaos. Isn't it in our nature that we love to be loved and found? Discovered, cherished and captivated to serve freely and be completely vulnerable? And in man's nature to pursue and to find; to be respected and acknowledged as protector, provider, and leader? Has this recently changed? Have roles been changed because girls have made it easy or because guys have become complacent? Anyways... Situations and circumstances vary I wont get into "what in the world is going on with relationships?" and the dozen of friends I have that are "waiting" to be found and the gentlemen running away from the responsibility. Or the Questions of what does it look like to "wait" and the advice I've received from guys that a girl has to drop some hints... All these rules and should and shouldn't. It's a whole lotta assumptions and speculations... Complicatedness left for another blog. But to keep things simple and each one can be real with himself or herself in accordance to scripture.... The best mirror to look into yourself with. We can always get the right standard from there. The truth in scripture is pretty clear, let's take it back to that. Love! Love earnestly! With no fear, pursue, respect, give and receive. Acknowledge and be thankful of the love that is before you. Love the person in front of you. Men be men. Women be women. As we allow God to embrace us, we are released to love in a radical way because we know we are loved fully already. I can love because I know I am loved eternally, I am secure in God's love for me. So when in pain for a persons unrequited love, there is joy in knowing there is love.
Love. Thanks Papa!
God has loved us so much, and to many his love is unfathomable because we have never seen anything like it. He gives his son , his friend, his partner, for you whom has little to no regard for the things on his heart.
In relationships I guess you know you love someone when you are willing to fight for them. Even when they may be lost and they have nothing to offer you in return, but you love them because you see them. Not because you want something in return or because you have something to gain apart from the joy of loving them; you just love them. We can probably understand this love more as we become fathers and mothers.
Unrequited love is one of the worst feelings ever. Having feelings for someone who is seemingly oblivious to you... Or who sees you but chooses not to acknowledge your feelings towards him/her. But I wonder if this is pure love? If love expects no return then do you really love that person when you are devastated that your affections are not reciprocated in the way you desire? Why can't you just enjoy loving him/her? I guess it's because you feel there is no receptor of your love. Anyone who has ever felt this understands very well the importance of being open to being loved. Love may be served out on a platter but it takes another to receive it for it to be enjoyed.
God's love was put on display through Jesus and every day in various ways, but its unrequited for him if we are not receptive and responding to it. And this hurts! When you long for this person to truly understand your affections for them and you've displayed your love to him/her; you're there, available, willing, desiring for relationship, but he/she is non responsive or sometimes is and sometimes isn't. You feel like there is a block to the degree you're able to lavish your love on them. Because they don't want your love or they don't understand how much you care about them. Everyday I draw closer to God and I acknowledge his presence and his love towards me I find I am more able to see and receive his love. His love was always there; I'm just more aware of it. I'm more thankful, and it's ever increasing to me. Allowing him to love me was difficult at first because I was just ignorant of his love as my eyes sought for other lovers. But He has been patient with me and it feels like he loves me more now than then, when all along he has loved me this much! I was just unresponsive and unaware.
So, back to this notion of unrequited love in relationships. What if your silent about your love? Is this not love because your afraid to speak up? Doesnt there have to be a point when you are more afraid to have never said nothing at all? Perfect love casts out all fear... Is what the bible says. And if you love me then you will obey my commandments.
Love has a face, it looks like something. Jesus taught this. If you love, your actions will prove it. He of course was the best example of this.
He lavished his love on us by giving his entire self, he loved us to death! And he loved Father God by being obedient as well... By doing and saying what he saw and heard the father do. He didn't force us to follow him, he compelled us to come to him by his love. He compels us to come.
Back to this relationship stuff then, loving someone compels them to receive your love. The bible is very clear on the role of man and women in relationships. He is to love her as Christ loves us. He compels us to come to him with his love. And she is to respond to him with respect and submission to him. She is to accept his love, his leadership, his guidance. Vulnerable... Trusting. Loving by responding to his love. She is able to do this because he has displayed and confessed his love for her, not just for His own pleasure but for her thriving, for he longs to present her beautiful unto the Lord. Amazing!
Pursuer and receptor. So what happens when these roles aren't assumed properly? Confusion, disagreement, and chaos. Isn't it in our nature that we love to be loved and found? Discovered, cherished and captivated to serve freely and be completely vulnerable? And in man's nature to pursue and to find; to be respected and acknowledged as protector, provider, and leader? Has this recently changed? Have roles been changed because girls have made it easy or because guys have become complacent? Anyways... Situations and circumstances vary I wont get into "what in the world is going on with relationships?" and the dozen of friends I have that are "waiting" to be found and the gentlemen running away from the responsibility. Or the Questions of what does it look like to "wait" and the advice I've received from guys that a girl has to drop some hints... All these rules and should and shouldn't. It's a whole lotta assumptions and speculations... Complicatedness left for another blog. But to keep things simple and each one can be real with himself or herself in accordance to scripture.... The best mirror to look into yourself with. We can always get the right standard from there. The truth in scripture is pretty clear, let's take it back to that. Love! Love earnestly! With no fear, pursue, respect, give and receive. Acknowledge and be thankful of the love that is before you. Love the person in front of you. Men be men. Women be women. As we allow God to embrace us, we are released to love in a radical way because we know we are loved fully already. I can love because I know I am loved eternally, I am secure in God's love for me. So when in pain for a persons unrequited love, there is joy in knowing there is love.
Love. Thanks Papa!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
At this moment.....
I'm writing about this moment. In this moment in time I feel so secure in the Lord's plans. I can't describe the way I feel, and it doesnt make sense because I cannot see what He is doing, I see glimpses, which give me an idea of what He might be doing in my life and in my relationships, but if I were to sit and tell you what I see, you'd probably not understand the conclusion I've come to.
So mostly this is a documentation for myself. Jasmine, remember how you feel right now. As you are sitting outside in this garden with the perfect 70 degree weather and wind blowing through your hair, you have your pj's and you've been cleaning up and arranging this garden listening to " I see Heaven" and your secure and confident that the Lord has heard your prayers. He sent his servant from Kenya, to pray and release you into what is your next, and to believe him for this very thing your heart desires. You know with all your heart, you were not expecting this message, and at the moment you weren't really thinking about it, but God in his sovereignty and love, put it in this man's heart to intercede on your behalf, and say it is done.
Now you are asking the next questions, and rejoicing in your answered prayer. You feel like Hannah when she had grieved before the Lord year after year, and finally the year came when the Priest saw her and told her Khalas, go in Peace, and her face turned from sadness to rest and peace... and in DUE TIME... the Lord gave her her request. You know the Lord has heard you, he has sent his word to go out, and now you sit still my daughter and Delight yourself in the Lord.
Your wondering where to go next, yes these questions are not yet answered completely but you feel confident that Papa is revealing them. You are serving him in the little things, honoring him, it is holy, even sweeping is holy unto the Lord, all your actions are holy unto the Lord. You feel like the Lord is watching you and seeing your faithfulness. You also feel like an intercessor. Actually this is your role right now, an intercessor. You sense the schemes of the enemy, and you stop them through your prayers. You feel like you see the effects of your prayers.
Your not afraid for what is to come, you trust and you walk by faith. You are excited at the invitations you've had in the past week to different nations, and the fact that you just got off the phone from a full arabic conversation :) You rejoice that you are loved, desired, and valued.
Daddy reminded you this morning about Rebekka and how he chose her for Isaac. You know you've been chosen, and He has put in lots of work in you. He's cleaned up, dug up, removed stones from your garden and it is beautiful. It's unique and precious and He delights in you. You know your not one from a crowd, but you are set apart, unique, special, created for a purpose and obedient in walking this out. You will not settle for second best, you will wait for and pursue in prayer for the Lord's purposes. You will not allow your disobedience to get in the way of the Lord's promises in store and planned for you.
:)
Yasmine
So mostly this is a documentation for myself. Jasmine, remember how you feel right now. As you are sitting outside in this garden with the perfect 70 degree weather and wind blowing through your hair, you have your pj's and you've been cleaning up and arranging this garden listening to " I see Heaven" and your secure and confident that the Lord has heard your prayers. He sent his servant from Kenya, to pray and release you into what is your next, and to believe him for this very thing your heart desires. You know with all your heart, you were not expecting this message, and at the moment you weren't really thinking about it, but God in his sovereignty and love, put it in this man's heart to intercede on your behalf, and say it is done.
Now you are asking the next questions, and rejoicing in your answered prayer. You feel like Hannah when she had grieved before the Lord year after year, and finally the year came when the Priest saw her and told her Khalas, go in Peace, and her face turned from sadness to rest and peace... and in DUE TIME... the Lord gave her her request. You know the Lord has heard you, he has sent his word to go out, and now you sit still my daughter and Delight yourself in the Lord.
Your wondering where to go next, yes these questions are not yet answered completely but you feel confident that Papa is revealing them. You are serving him in the little things, honoring him, it is holy, even sweeping is holy unto the Lord, all your actions are holy unto the Lord. You feel like the Lord is watching you and seeing your faithfulness. You also feel like an intercessor. Actually this is your role right now, an intercessor. You sense the schemes of the enemy, and you stop them through your prayers. You feel like you see the effects of your prayers.
Your not afraid for what is to come, you trust and you walk by faith. You are excited at the invitations you've had in the past week to different nations, and the fact that you just got off the phone from a full arabic conversation :) You rejoice that you are loved, desired, and valued.
Daddy reminded you this morning about Rebekka and how he chose her for Isaac. You know you've been chosen, and He has put in lots of work in you. He's cleaned up, dug up, removed stones from your garden and it is beautiful. It's unique and precious and He delights in you. You know your not one from a crowd, but you are set apart, unique, special, created for a purpose and obedient in walking this out. You will not settle for second best, you will wait for and pursue in prayer for the Lord's purposes. You will not allow your disobedience to get in the way of the Lord's promises in store and planned for you.
:)
Yasmine
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