All this waiting that was going on, and all these unknowns really taught me to be patient. God knows I'm impatient...I'm a doer and when I can't really do nothing about my circumstances its really frustrating. However, Dad wanted to teach me to trust in Him to DO. and he DID.
He did it in such a way that I could've never done.
He provided for me to go home for the holidays. It was a complete surprise and such a gift. I spent sweet times with my family and close friends. There were moments that some try to steal the happiness that God was gifting me with. But I didn't allow it. Because I knew that this happiness that I had came from the King and that I should not allow anything to steal this joy.
Then I came back to the desert in a strengthened attitude. Convinced of what I needed to do and renewed/strengthened to do so.
He placed me with new friends, gave me new challenges, equipped me with new tools.
HE turned my life right around. I would've never thought I'd be where I am right now.
I'm happy.
There are still some things that I don't know about, but I am trusting to know at the right time.
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Waiting... Unclear...Sigh
Its been a whirlwind of changes. A time of waiting, a time of frustration, and then a time of just letting go and trusting God. The phrase that helped me out the most, was if God has you waiting, then He must be really working on something really good. I'll go ahead and share with you a note I wrote one night in the middle of all of this. Just being transparent.
Written in DECEMBER:-
I feel unstable. There is nothing secure right now.
I don't know if I will be able to move to the place near my job..
I work in this really poor neighborhood, where every time I go I have to be extra conservative. Be alert to my surroundings. I have to go at nights, when, honestly it can be quite intimidating. But I love it... i'm always reminded of the reality of life style of most of the people in this country.
Thank you, Dad for loving me through the ones I least expect it. A little girl, told me she loves me and wants to give me a gift. Bless her heart, how can she say this, she has nothing to her name. She's the one that is always running errands for people. Dad has put in me a desire to give her a gift, I just dont know how. Some have told me that her family could be upset, or ppl in the streets will think I have something up my sleeves. I want to be able to understand this culture.
I don't know how I'm going to teach so many, i'm overwhelmed. I dunno why... I should wait to see, for all i know I won't teach advanced level english, maybe it will just be one student. Not that I just want it to be her, just that if it is her, it be easier for me to meet with her during the day, ya know so I wont be there every night for one person. Not just that but, the fact that I'd taking up the center 4 nights of the week. which leaves 3 days, days that no one really wants to go to classes. I don't know how this scheduling will work out. UGHHHH...
I dont know how many students I will have. I dont know who will come. I dont know if there will be enough students. I dont know if there will be enough room. I dont know if I will be able to handle teaching these many days. I don't know what all will come out of this.I don't know if its even worth it.
Dad, this is what I need: I feel alone. I need help. Dedicated teachers, qualified or willing to be trained. I need a center where we can have at least two classes at the same time. I need to know whether or not you want me to move to this area. I need courage to say I can't and realize my limitations. I need to trust in you
My work schedule is not known.
What I will teach is not known.
My living situation is not known.
The heart of the people i'm working with is not known.
I dont know if all this work is worth it.
I dont know if there will be enough students.
I dont know who will teach..
I dont know what is coming out of this.
I dont know how long I will be here.
My future with my team is not known.
My future education is not known.
A lot of things are unknown right now.
Help me to live a day at a time and worry about what I can do and leave the rest to you.
Written in DECEMBER:-
I feel unstable. There is nothing secure right now.
I don't know if I will be able to move to the place near my job..
I work in this really poor neighborhood, where every time I go I have to be extra conservative. Be alert to my surroundings. I have to go at nights, when, honestly it can be quite intimidating. But I love it... i'm always reminded of the reality of life style of most of the people in this country.
Thank you, Dad for loving me through the ones I least expect it. A little girl, told me she loves me and wants to give me a gift. Bless her heart, how can she say this, she has nothing to her name. She's the one that is always running errands for people. Dad has put in me a desire to give her a gift, I just dont know how. Some have told me that her family could be upset, or ppl in the streets will think I have something up my sleeves. I want to be able to understand this culture.
I don't know how I'm going to teach so many, i'm overwhelmed. I dunno why... I should wait to see, for all i know I won't teach advanced level english, maybe it will just be one student. Not that I just want it to be her, just that if it is her, it be easier for me to meet with her during the day, ya know so I wont be there every night for one person. Not just that but, the fact that I'd taking up the center 4 nights of the week. which leaves 3 days, days that no one really wants to go to classes. I don't know how this scheduling will work out. UGHHHH...
I dont know how many students I will have. I dont know who will come. I dont know if there will be enough students. I dont know if there will be enough room. I dont know if I will be able to handle teaching these many days. I don't know what all will come out of this.I don't know if its even worth it.
Dad, this is what I need: I feel alone. I need help. Dedicated teachers, qualified or willing to be trained. I need a center where we can have at least two classes at the same time. I need to know whether or not you want me to move to this area. I need courage to say I can't and realize my limitations. I need to trust in you
My work schedule is not known.
What I will teach is not known.
My living situation is not known.
The heart of the people i'm working with is not known.
I dont know if all this work is worth it.
I dont know if there will be enough students.
I dont know who will teach..
I dont know what is coming out of this.
I dont know how long I will be here.
My future with my team is not known.
My future education is not known.
A lot of things are unknown right now.
Help me to live a day at a time and worry about what I can do and leave the rest to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)