After you have suffered a little while....

May flowers... hmmm....
I guess soon they'll come. Right now I don't see them. Its been a tough couple of weeks. I feel that every deep relationship/friendship that I've built has been torn away from me. My comfort, my peace is that the my relationship with the Lord cannot be torn away, no matter where I'm at, He is near. He knows my every thought, my sorrows, my desires. He understands me and in my stubborness He is patient to teach me and discipline me in love. Today is Mexican Mother's day. I bought some flowers for my sis here, I miss my family.

Music. It has the power to make you sad, happy, thoughtful, tired, frustrated, scared. Usually you can't think clearly while music is playing, if it has lyrics. Silent button. Shhhhhhh..... what peace. In this crazy city its constantly noisy and loud. I need rest. But the quietness reminds me that I'm alone. Being alone is not something that is easy for me. I guess if I walked with the assurance that I would be alone only for a little while longer, I'd enjoy the quietness more.

We want what we don't have rather than indulging in all that we do have.

I can't believe there are only about 5 months left until I say goodbye. I think I might come back. But this depends on alot of things. I can't see myself like this for 2 more years. I'm waiting on the Lord to make some things clear. He's showed me that one of those options of mine is not that great. But I'm asking that he would do a work, and I know He is able. So I wait, and we'll see.

I pray that eyes of the heart will be enlightened to see Dad's marvelous plans and will.
I need something new, and refreshing. I feel like its been struggle after struggle, yalla, Dad, you said after a little while.....

April Showers bring May flowers....

I hope so.

Its been a while since I've logged on here.

Wow, its been such a great year so far, and I can't believe we are already at the end of April.

Time has flown, but Dad has taught me so much in this time. I'll summarize at the top of my head.

He taught me to eliminate and concentrate.

Discipline starts with something small. Like.... maybe going to sleep early and waking up early.

Give freely. Give without judging whether the person will use it correctly or not. Give out of the abundance or little that you have. Give sacrificially, and provide for your brothers and sisters in need.

Memorize his word, meditate on it, and stand firm in it. Truth sanctifies.

Stand firm in his promises, so that you can resist the deceptions of the enemy.

The battle starts in the mind.

Oatmeal in the morning, coffee, worship, and His Word, is the sweetest part of my day.

Cry to Him. Run to Him. Be intimate with Him. He will be there. Go to Him before anyone else.

Die to self, walk blameless, thirst for righteousness.

Say No to sin, and don't look back.

Praise Him for his grace and compassion upon us.

Tune your ears to His voice.

Let it go, and fix your gaze on God.

Don't put your attention on what grabs it. Pay attention to what needs to be put attention to.

He gives Honey from the Rock.

TRUE STORY: He has angels watching over me, A man followed me, and as much as I ignored him he continued, but when I stopped and responded to him, and asked if he wanted to speak in the light? His face turned into one of horror and he turned away terrified, as if he had just seen death!!!

A godly man, will not pursue a godly woman by mentioning other women to her, to get a reaction out of her.

God knows my needs before I even do, he will make them aware to me, and I must have complete faith that he is my portion and provider each day.

The prudent see danger and seek refuge, the simple just keep going.

Nehemiah built with shovel in one hand and sword in the other. Be on the alert always.

Don't deceive yourself, breaking the rules, does not please God.

Tune your ears to the sound of his voice.

He does not forsake the works of his hand.

Right now is the time to become the woman God wants me to be, and a woman that inspires confidence, a woman who works eagerly with her hands, a woman who plans and invest for the future, with wisdom and strengthened hands she is a blessing to many, and fears the Lord.

Commitment precedes intimacy. At all times.

He turned my circumstances around.

All this waiting that was going on, and all these unknowns really taught me to be patient. God knows I'm impatient...I'm a doer and when I can't really do nothing about my circumstances its really frustrating. However, Dad wanted to teach me to trust in Him to DO. and he DID.

He did it in such a way that I could've never done.

He provided for me to go home for the holidays. It was a complete surprise and such a gift. I spent sweet times with my family and close friends. There were moments that some try to steal the happiness that God was gifting me with. But I didn't allow it. Because I knew that this happiness that I had came from the King and that I should not allow anything to steal this joy.

Then I came back to the desert in a strengthened attitude. Convinced of what I needed to do and renewed/strengthened to do so.

He placed me with new friends, gave me new challenges, equipped me with new tools.
HE turned my life right around. I would've never thought I'd be where I am right now.
I'm happy.

There are still some things that I don't know about, but I am trusting to know at the right time.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Waiting... Unclear...Sigh

Its been a whirlwind of changes. A time of waiting, a time of frustration, and then a time of just letting go and trusting God. The phrase that helped me out the most, was if God has you waiting, then He must be really working on something really good. I'll go ahead and share with you a note I wrote one night in the middle of all of this. Just being transparent.

Written in DECEMBER:-
I feel unstable. There is nothing secure right now.
I don't know if I will be able to move to the place near my job..
I work in this really poor neighborhood, where every time I go I have to be extra conservative. Be alert to my surroundings. I have to go at nights, when, honestly it can be quite intimidating. But I love it... i'm always reminded of the reality of life style of most of the people in this country.

Thank you, Dad for loving me through the ones I least expect it. A little girl, told me she loves me and wants to give me a gift. Bless her heart, how can she say this, she has nothing to her name. She's the one that is always running errands for people. Dad has put in me a desire to give her a gift, I just dont know how. Some have told me that her family could be upset, or ppl in the streets will think I have something up my sleeves. I want to be able to understand this culture.

I don't know how I'm going to teach so many, i'm overwhelmed. I dunno why... I should wait to see, for all i know I won't teach advanced level english, maybe it will just be one student. Not that I just want it to be her, just that if it is her, it be easier for me to meet with her during the day, ya know so I wont be there every night for one person. Not just that but, the fact that I'd taking up the center 4 nights of the week. which leaves 3 days, days that no one really wants to go to classes. I don't know how this scheduling will work out. UGHHHH...

I dont know how many students I will have. I dont know who will come. I dont know if there will be enough students. I dont know if there will be enough room. I dont know if I will be able to handle teaching these many days. I don't know what all will come out of this.I don't know if its even worth it.

Dad, this is what I need: I feel alone. I need help. Dedicated teachers, qualified or willing to be trained. I need a center where we can have at least two classes at the same time. I need to know whether or not you want me to move to this area. I need courage to say I can't and realize my limitations. I need to trust in you

My work schedule is not known.
What I will teach is not known.
My living situation is not known.
The heart of the people i'm working with is not known.
I dont know if all this work is worth it.
I dont know if there will be enough students.
I dont know who will teach..
I dont know what is coming out of this.
I dont know how long I will be here.
My future with my team is not known.
My future education is not known.
A lot of things are unknown right now.

Help me to live a day at a time and worry about what I can do and leave the rest to you.

Mohim Awy Awy Day

He loosened my tongue to speak in 95% arabic today at our cooking class , I can't even believe it when i say it. I didn't think it possible, I didn't think they'd understand, and if they did i thought they'd only understand bits and pieces and i'd have a dictionary open the entire time, but no, i used it only twice. And they did, they understood... HE was totally there, and He moved and He spoke...

cooking was fun, and talking afterwards was great!! exciting.

ahhhhhh sooo happy!